hope, faith, & vintage
"let your hope make you glad. be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying." romans 12:12
Why is it that you can be completely happy with your life, your job, and the person you’re with, until someone from your past walks in? Not one the bad ones you wish you could smash their face with a bat. The one good guy who you broke their heart and had a hard time getting along with. Why is it that when they walk back in your life, you’re suddenly confused, even if you KNOW it wouldn’t work out between the two of you? This has only ever happened with this one person. And I need answers.
“He blinds Himself to my sin and my filth so that He can forge a relationship with me.”
why do i always want to run from everything that involves effort?
My parents did the best they could. They did as they were taught, and for the most part it did us some good. But as I and my siblings grew older, we realized just how broken this family truly is. I no longer want them to know what’s going on with me anymore. I feel incredibly bad about this, but I want to be out of this house so bad. My dad struggles with depression everyday, and I have to walk on pins and needles around him so I don’t suffer a blow up. I’m tired of being careful. Everything I do feels like it’s wrong to me. I can’t handle it anymore. I’m not going to take my life, that would be foolish. But I will run. Yes, they will know about it. Eventually. But it won’t be for another 3 months. I hope sooner. We’ll see.
Why do I feel so bad about leaving out part of the truth? I don’t regret what I did. But they don’t have to know what I did. They don’t the majority of the things that I have done in my past. And they will never know.
I don’t want this to put a kink in my relationship with Chris. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me, and I’m not letting go. I can’t let go.
I’m marrying that man.
